This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
