I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize