he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
