Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
