My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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