Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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