Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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