things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
