i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
