I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize