Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
