i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
