my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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