I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
