After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
