Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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