My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
