he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
