I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
