She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize