some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
