I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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