dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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