awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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