i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
