Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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