I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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