Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
