What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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