im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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