wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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