best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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