In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
