this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
