ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
