Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
