He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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