there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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