dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize