Please, let me fuck your mom
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
