Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Shame - the story of my life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
