shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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