her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
