just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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