if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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