happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
