I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize