I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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