so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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