i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
