Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
