so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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