Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
