On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize