Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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