we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
