so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
