mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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