dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
