If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
