dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
