she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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