i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
