Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
