a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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