I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
