my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
