So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
