Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
