WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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