I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
