It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
