Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
