Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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