i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Houston, we have a squirter
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
