you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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