so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
