i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
