If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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