every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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