Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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