found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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