Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
