Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
