one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
