running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
