Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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