tell your sister to shave her snatch
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
