i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
