I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize