Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
