my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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