Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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