Whod you bang
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I enjoy the company of your penis
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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