Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
