The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
