got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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