It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
