honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
