He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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