my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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