My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I need moral support for this bender
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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